Apart of me aside, drowning in a web of deception
Forgetting to apologize for the disaster in my wake, glorifying details better left unknown
Not sure how long a pain of silence can kill but I'm sure we are willing to test
Burrow deeper and lower until no one will see how twisted we really are
Find me on that ledge, finger on the trigger, tying tighter, higher and higher
Please forgive me, who is still there to hear my words, need I speak louder?
One last taste of pleasure before nothing else remains, slowly falling off the path laid down
No longer can we keep our head up with pain allying with gravity, grabbing me from all sides, making deals with the devil
Please forgive me
Please forgive me
Please
Forgive
Me
Sunday, December 13, 2015
You're a little liar
Learning to live by lies
Coming up with excuses, to keep yourself clean
Building up for nothing
Just waiting to blow
Keeping calm to keep it hidden
Waiting to see a truth between those lies.
Coming up with excuses, to keep yourself clean
Building up for nothing
Just waiting to blow
Keeping calm to keep it hidden
Waiting to see a truth between those lies.
Saturday, November 28, 2015
The quick downfall...
My ex and I started selling dope pretty heavily. Seemed like the perfect set up. Sell drugs, have drugs, and get money. Nothing could go wrong there, right? We made many mistakes. I wont list them in case you get ideas, but I will tell you the results to selling drugs; Jail.
August of 2012, 4 A.M., I woke up to fifteen cops in my face with huge ass fucking guns. I'll never forget that day. After the cops raided my house and found the drugs they were looking for my son and I was driven to the police station, were we sat in a holding room for hours. Around 10 A.M. DCC&P formally known as DYFC arrived. I spent fifteen minutes talking to the worker. Eventually it hit me what was happening, this man was here to take my son. I didn't agree, I made a huge scene, two cops and my ex got called into the room to make hand my son over. There will never be a feeling that matches the feeling of watching someone else walk away with your child. You would think that feeling would be enough to stop and change my life, it wasn't, I got worse.
After being released on bail, first thing we did was pick up. The money we did have didn't last very long and eventually we hit a point that there was only one option left. I'm a girl, so I knew I could make money, as did my ex. I prostituted. I sold my ass more times then I can count. Honestly, I'm surprised I'm not dead. Between meeting random guys off of Craigslist, shooting up dope every hour, it's crazy. I say this because I don't believe in God, but a something and that something wanted me alive.
August of 2012, 4 A.M., I woke up to fifteen cops in my face with huge ass fucking guns. I'll never forget that day. After the cops raided my house and found the drugs they were looking for my son and I was driven to the police station, were we sat in a holding room for hours. Around 10 A.M. DCC&P formally known as DYFC arrived. I spent fifteen minutes talking to the worker. Eventually it hit me what was happening, this man was here to take my son. I didn't agree, I made a huge scene, two cops and my ex got called into the room to make hand my son over. There will never be a feeling that matches the feeling of watching someone else walk away with your child. You would think that feeling would be enough to stop and change my life, it wasn't, I got worse.
After being released on bail, first thing we did was pick up. The money we did have didn't last very long and eventually we hit a point that there was only one option left. I'm a girl, so I knew I could make money, as did my ex. I prostituted. I sold my ass more times then I can count. Honestly, I'm surprised I'm not dead. Between meeting random guys off of Craigslist, shooting up dope every hour, it's crazy. I say this because I don't believe in God, but a something and that something wanted me alive.
Becoming one
I am me
You are you
I see the darkness in the light
You see the light in darkness
I feel envy
You are the one to envy
I am me
You are you
Together we are one
You are you
I see the darkness in the light
You see the light in darkness
I feel envy
You are the one to envy
I am me
You are you
Together we are one
Games
Head games, heart loss
Thicker armor, less pain
Forgetting memories, scared of new
Sew me back together
Before I forget you
Thicker armor, less pain
Forgetting memories, scared of new
Sew me back together
Before I forget you
Don't stop now
At night my thoughts are running on high
Lay it to pen and paper before I close my eyes
I find myself reminiscing of everything that I once was
Got to control myself before I jump the gun and take that leap
People are dependent, shits not plain to see, I've got responsibilities that aren't what they were. No longer am I that girl who just doesn't care
Now I have found my heart, and that futures holding out
So take my finger off the trigger, hold yourself steady, not the time to feel any doubt
Time to believe in something, just to give you that something
Lay it to pen and paper before I close my eyes
I find myself reminiscing of everything that I once was
Got to control myself before I jump the gun and take that leap
People are dependent, shits not plain to see, I've got responsibilities that aren't what they were. No longer am I that girl who just doesn't care
Now I have found my heart, and that futures holding out
So take my finger off the trigger, hold yourself steady, not the time to feel any doubt
Time to believe in something, just to give you that something
Hope can be restored
In days of depression, I tend to look back to the past, when my days were crazy, and my sleep was a nod
I remember the faces, I remember the names
There were times when the darkness wasn't overbearing
The suicidal comfort of knowing what I was doing the next day. Relying on survival instincts to just get by
Charges are filed, children are taken, bids are given. The will to forget overpowering my morals as a mother
I see nnow, where we all are. I can see the hope between our ragtag pack of corrupted.
No longer are we robbing, stealing, selling to start our days
Being reunited with families, children and society as a whole
The will to forget diminishing into the will of life
I remember the faces, I remember the names
There were times when the darkness wasn't overbearing
The suicidal comfort of knowing what I was doing the next day. Relying on survival instincts to just get by
Charges are filed, children are taken, bids are given. The will to forget overpowering my morals as a mother
I see nnow, where we all are. I can see the hope between our ragtag pack of corrupted.
No longer are we robbing, stealing, selling to start our days
Being reunited with families, children and society as a whole
The will to forget diminishing into the will of life
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