The quick downfall...

My ex and I started selling dope pretty heavily. Seemed like the perfect set up. Sell drugs, have drugs, and get money. Nothing could go wrong there, right? We made many mistakes. I wont list them in case you get ideas, but I will tell you the results to selling drugs; Jail.

August of 2012, 4 A.M., I woke up to fifteen cops in my face with huge ass fucking guns. I'll never forget that day. After the cops raided my house and found the drugs they were looking for my son and I was driven to the police station, were we sat in a holding room for hours. Around 10 A.M. DCC&P formally known as DYFC arrived. I spent fifteen minutes talking to the worker. Eventually it hit me what was happening, this man was here to take my son. I didn't agree, I made a huge scene, two cops and my ex got called into the room to make hand my son over. There will never be a feeling that matches the feeling of watching someone else walk away with your child. You would think that feeling would be enough to stop and change my life, it wasn't, I got worse.

After being released on bail, first thing we did was pick up. The money we did have didn't last very long and eventually we hit a point that there was only one option left. I'm a girl, so I knew I could make money, as did my ex. I prostituted. I sold my ass more times then I can count. Honestly, I'm surprised I'm not dead. Between meeting random guys off of Craigslist, shooting up dope every hour, it's crazy. I say this because I don't believe in God, but a something and that something wanted me alive.

Becoming one

I am me
You are you
I see the darkness in the light
You see the light in darkness
I feel envy
You are the one to envy
I am me
You are you
Together we are one

Games

Head games, heart loss
Thicker armor, less pain
Forgetting memories, scared of new
Sew me back together
Before I forget you

Don't stop now

At night my thoughts are running on high
Lay it to pen and paper before I close my eyes
I find myself reminiscing of everything that I once was
Got to control myself before I jump the gun and take that leap
People are dependent, shits not plain to see, I've got responsibilities that aren't what they were. No longer am I that girl who just doesn't care
Now I have found my heart, and that futures holding out
So take my finger off the trigger, hold yourself steady, not the time to feel any doubt
Time to believe in something, just to give you that something

Hope can be restored

In days of depression, I tend to look back to the past, when my days were crazy, and my sleep was a nod
I remember the faces, I remember the names
There were times when the darkness wasn't overbearing
The suicidal comfort of knowing what I was doing the next day. Relying on survival instincts to just get by
Charges are filed, children are taken, bids are given. The will to forget overpowering my morals as a mother

I see nnow, where we all are. I can see the hope between our ragtag pack of corrupted.
No longer are we robbing, stealing, selling to start our days
Being reunited with families, children and society as a whole
The will to forget diminishing into the will of life

Not everything is what it seems

Destruction, slow and deep, don't stop
Pain is what I want, make me feel
Drive it in slowly, fuck it, you know I want it rough
I want your sickness, I crave the last resort
I see the crows flying, I see the revenge
Shove me down, tell me what I'm worth
Make me see my lapse was wrong
I'm not deserving, fuck what I thought I believed

We both know what I am


What I'll never be


I'm only what you want me to be