Where it started...

I met a guy when I was 18. He was my first for everything, so of course I thought I found the one. Stupid, stupid me. Here is a little word of advice, getting together with a guy when you're 18 and thinking you have that fairy-tale romance, you're probably very wrong. Please learn warning signs early.

At this point in my life, I've fucked with weed and I hated it every time. Such a shitty feeling it gave me so the addict in me, I kept smoking it on occasions. The guy I met, he loved weed so of course I had to have him believe I liked it. Never change who you are for somebody else. 

I liked drinking more then anything. Getting drunk was an easy escape. Suddenly, I wasn't shy anymore, I could have a proper conversation with someone with stuttering through it. Unfortunately, I still didn't find what I was looking for. I still needed to escape farther from reality. I thought I found the happiness in the guy, clearly it doesn't work that way, men should never be the reason you're happy.

Moving in with him so early into our relationship was mistake number one. I wanted out of my moms, I wanted all the freedom of living on your own. I didn't want responsibilities, I didn't want to come home when I was told to, I wanted to be a fucking adult and do whatever I wanted, as most kids do. I don't regret a lot in my life and even with all the emotional and physical abuse this man put me through, I would never wish we had never met. We did have good times, we had some great times....before the drugs. When I look back now, I try to remember those times.

In October of 2011, I found out I was four months pregnant. We have a beautiful little boy, who is my world. I would love to tell you when I gave birth I found that happiness that I was searching for, but I didn't. The day I gave birth, was the day I fell in love twice. My son and my opiates.
That day I was prescribed roxys (Percocet 30's) I found something that made everything okay. I could finally handle life. One snort of a little blue pill did that. Well, one pill turned into 2,3,7 as many as I could get. Attempting to afford a newborn and a pill habit became impossible. Two and half months after my son was born the question was asked, "Do you wanna try dope?"

March of 2012 was life changing, because if I thought snorting pills made everything okay, then railing two bags of dope made things great. If I did that, I could just nod through life. I could do what I wanted. I'm sure you all already know, this story doesn't have a happy ending. All good things come to an end.

ACS

You came into this world, I destroyed it that quickly

I fell in love twice that day

Pretending that you gave me all that lost comfort

But I lied to myself

The love I felt for that drug overpowered the love I had as a mother

Two years I put you through hell

Two years that I just didn't care

All because I fell in love twice that day

Losing you was hard, but I still didn't care

I still had faith in a love that was never true

Still always thinking I had just one more time

All because I fell in love twice that day

Dreams I had for you were quickly fading

Time was lie, just like that last high

Reality was here, make a choice and make it fast

A life was ending and I knew

That this just wasn't what I was meant to do

All because I fell in love twice that day

Here with you now I only need that one love

Your eyes to stare, that laugh to hear

Years to make up because I left you

Nothing will defeat us because he we are

I threw my hands up, now I feel your arms around me

I fell in love twice that day

Today your love is the love I need